At last I am happy to report I'm feeling on the up!
I am finally achieving things and have exited the mental rut I was quite clearly in last week. A couple of times I have been able to go out to lunch with friends or a dinner (which took it way out of me because it was such a schmancy restaurant that we had to wait till 10.30 to eat). But it's getting a lot better. Oh and... I can walk upstairs, shower standing, and walk 20 minutes twice a day all by myself!!!
Obviously there have been some pretty sad aspects to recovery... like the whole ' you know who is worth it' thing in terms of people falling off the face of the earth. It's hard being alone so much or when not exactly alone just without friends. And I guess it's true that some people just disappear but the worst part is I think sometimes I'd rather go on pretending that they are just super busy and can't reply to my email/text/ etc. rather than they don't care at all. One friend even moved to Melbourne without telling me - that was a bit harsh. Then you feel all self pityous etc. But I'm determined not to let that get me down for very long. I'm thinking ahead.
Luckily I start rehab next week! Last time I went to the rehab centre everyone was again the youngest by many a year.. so probably not the best place to make friends but it gave me an idea. I'm going to join a club - sporting or otherwise (let's face it probably otherwise).
Also on the whole positive thinking vibe I have actually started sewing. I have made a heat pack and am now experimenting in decorational embroidery haha it sounds super lame but it's nice to be able to finish things and do them all by myself!
This weekend I'm going to tentatively re-enter the social world with a brief but very exciting appearance at a party! Alas, no wild drinking yet... I'm still all scabby and 'healing.' But riddle me this... why must healing be so itchy?!